Developmental Milestones and what’s "Normal" for Baby

Who says that babies have to do things at a certain time? WHO? 

“Most babies will be able to sleep through the night by the time they’re…” “Most babies will be able to roll over by the time they’re…” “Most babies will be able to…fill in the blank”

If I had to choose one thing that is the hardest to deal with as a new mom, this would be it. The constant comparison of one child to another in physical and mental development. I know that as a new mom I am frequently looking for advice from experienced moms and am regularly clueless on how to help my daughter through certain stages of development – aka when she is fussy for no controllable reason – oh that’s just a growth spurt – what? No one told me there were growth spurts (every other week) when she would just cry and cry for no reason and eat and eat and eat – oh and probably not poop either. 

There is nothing worse than searching for help/answers and finally finding them, online or from friends, and then realizing your kid isn’t’ doing what they are “supposed” to be doing by their age. Again, where’s the support mom friends?! Why are we always broadcasting what our kids can do and bragging about their accomplishments and not telling each other about the things they’re not doing?!  Sleeping through the night by six months? NOT pooping for days at a time? Hasn't mastered rolling over?

Maybe I was just ill-prepared for the parenting part of having a child. I openly admit that during my pregnancy I wish I had learned more about parenting and less about being pregnant – it’s just like when you’re getting married – you spend so much time focusing on the wedding day that you forget that the goal is the marriage and that’s what takes the hard work! 

The first few weeks at home with Charlotte were the hardest weeks of my life. I remember thinking, why didn’t my friends tell me how absolutely horrible this is. I hated it. I think the reason it was so challenging for me is because I need things to be perfect, I need to know how things are done, set up a plan, and get it taken care of – and I’m a people pleaser, if others aren’t happy and impressed with my work I’m devastated. So when we brought home our precious, beautiful, sweet little newborn I about lost my mind when I didn’t know what to do! One day swaddling worked, one day we nursed like pros, one day she slept for 5 hours at night but then another day she wouldn’t latch properly, or she wanted to eat every hour on the hour, or she would kick out of her swaddle and not sleep. Every day was different and some days she would cry and cry and cry. And she did not poop for 7 days. There was one day, during the poop strike, that I just looked at my poor little baby screaming her lungs out laying on my bed and I just started balling – I didn’t know what to do – why doesn’t anyone tell you what to do!? Why do they give these perfect babies to two complete newbies at parenting? Why isn’t there training for each and every situation – I needed that, I need to know what to do when the poop hits the fan. But parenting isn’t like that – there is no manual, there’s just experience – you learn as you go.  And it’s hard. 

Our families are amazing and they have supported us in so many ways there’s no way to express how grateful we are to them. My sister was one of the best resources I had; she kept reminding me two things:  1. Don’t shake the baby. (Totally joking, but not really) and 2. This is her first time being a baby too – you have to learn together. I’ll never forget one of the first days with Charlotte at home, my parents and both of my sisters and my niece were visiting and Charlotte decided it was time to have a breakdown. No one could calm her. I started crying too. And my Dad looked at me and said, “Jess, sometimes babies just have to cry” and he gave me a big hug. I don’t know why that thought NEVER crossed my mind because I certainly have that need sometimes too, but in that moment that was the biggest, most helpful advice anyone ever said to me.  Thank God for my Father.

I am so incredibly blessed to have the absolute BEST husband who helped me through all of these things, all of the tears, all of the screaming, all of the sleepless nights. I remember telling him in tears, that we’re all she has, that she was given to us to take care of, to love, and to protect – and that is a serious thing. That is a huge weight to bear. But together, I think we’re learning. We’re definitely loving it and we’ve definitely learned OUR baby – give us a different one and I think it’d be a completely different ball game. I think that’s the point too, every child is different, every parent is different, but you are the perfect parent for your child. You’ll learn and teach each other at your own pace.

What was some of the best advice you received as a new parent? What were some of your hardest challenges?