Goals and Lists and Plans, Oh My!
Reading:
FOR FUN!
Work:
ARM Designation
Kids:
ROUTINE
Less screen time more reading
POTTY TRAINING
Me:
Self Care
Running
Half Marathon
Rambling commences now:
I have been making lists for as long as I can remember. I'm a visual person and so writing everything down and being able to see all of the tasks I have to do in one spot is extremely helpful and calming to me. Even if there are literally millions of things on my list, it feels better to have a nice neat list of those million items. Problem is, lately, I've just been making lists and then not following through. Writing down my running plan three months in advance doesn't magically make me able to run 13.1 miles just because I wrote down the plan...I have to actually do what I write down in order to reap the benefits. I'm trying to take a step back from all of the planning - because I think I've become more obsessed with the planning aspect of things instead of the actual doing them. I've been craving order amongst the chaos and while it helps to be organized, it doesn't fix or truly accomplish anything.
Over the past month or so I've tried to actively take a step back and DO more than plan or think. Turns out, that is hard to do when your brain is so used to running nonstop at every moment. It takes work to be mentally "still" for me. But it's been worth it. I'm learning to be more present with my kids: and I don't mean simply putting down the phone, because I have been a big proponent of that since Charlotte was born - though I am not perfect and sometimes I stare at that darn Home Design App a bit too much... nonetheless it's putting down the lists in my head too and being with them and enjoying all the small things. Remembering how fast time moves and trying to capture in my mind and memorize their tiny little faces, their sweet voices, their pudgy, little baby fingers and toes in this moment. And also, to actually do things with them. I've gotten so complacent in thinking that because the week is so busy that during the week it's ok to just come home, watch tv, eat dinner, and go to bed. Granted, sometimes that is really all that we can seem to accomplish, some nights are harder than others. But as Luke gets older and more flexible we really are able to do other things during the week. Even if it's just going outside to play, or to a park, or for a walk. So I've been trying to do that too. It's a challenge for sure most nights.
Last night I read a book, for fun!, before bed. I had only planned on reading for thirty minutes or so, actively attempting to read more instead of staring at a screen whether it be my phone or the television. I ended up reading for two hours. My eyes have been hurting a lot lately; I think from all of the screen staring, work all day long staring a computer, then scrolling through my phone at night with no true purpose or benefit; it's also been giving me some slight headaches. But, I read a book with very small print and some smudges (its an old, hand me down book) for two hours in the dim light from my nightstand and my eyes didn't bother me once. Here's your sign...
My Work designation has been in the works since 2016. Why I thought I could obtain a designation like this one while I had a newborn I do not know, but thats why it got pushed back to this year. Then my proclivities for list making and study planning but not truly following through (depression/anxiety keeping me super lazy and afraid to do things??) have delayed it again. I've passed the first of three tests to obtain the ARM designation, with the second test coming up at the end of December and then finally finishing up in the spring. Not sure why I wrote this or who is reading but there you go.
Lists are helpful, and calming. But I'm working on following through with my plans more. xoxo
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Monday, March 27, 2017
Welcome Back, Mama!
So, it's been a while.
That is an understatement and it applies to so many things in my life, the very least of which is this blog. (But I am coming back for this guy too)
I didn't know that I lost myself.
This weekend we celebrated our little boy's first birthday, which is actually tomorrow. This year has both flown by in the blink of an eye and felt like the longest year of my life! I love my sweet Lucas more than life itself and his sister is the apple of my (and her father's) eye. I could not be luckier, happier, or more proud to be my kids' mother. It is an honor and such a joy every. single. day.
However, I did not realize that for the past three years I have been neglecting myself. I, myself, have been the last thing on my mind and the last thing getting any attention. For quite a while, I don't think I took care of myself at all.
Over the past month or so I've been "waking up" and this weekend it truly hit me. I'm back. For three years and three months (minus a few weeks in July of 2015) I have been either pregnant or nursing - which translates to: my body has not been my own for over three years. Typing those words doesn't quite have the effect that it should. It is also something that is difficult to understand if you haven't had the experience of carrying and caring for a child.
I do not take for granted the gift of motherhood. I understand its weight and its importance. And I thank God every day for it.
But I'm glad to finally be seeing glimpses of myself again.
This revelation did not come easy. Since around the time of Charlotte's second birthday I knew that I needed to get some help for what I assumed was post partum anxiety & depression. However, the process took much longer than it should have because it is not one that is talked about often and therefore I didn't really know where to start and I got tossed around a little bit from doctor to doctor. Long story short I was able to speak with someone, a psychologist, once, and I thought it truly was helpful. However, it turns out she wasn't the right person for me and I have since found help via medication and things seem to be going very well right now!! However, this - my mental well being, like all things in life, is a process. It is ever changing and I don't expect my current "solution" to be my forever solution.
Lucas' first birthday party was a raging success. I have heard nothing but praise from friends and family since Saturday evening. Ever since then I kept asking myself, what's so different about this party than the past two birthday parties we've had?? Well - there are a few things:
1. It was a BEAUTIFUL day and we were able to host the party mostly outside vs. the disaster that was Charlotte's first birthday party when it was torrentially down pouring and we had to squeeze thirty people plus about 15 toddlers into a 2,000 square foot house. Pretty sure everyone left with a migraine that day.
2. Adam (with his Mom's help) took both kids out of the house the morning of for about 3 hours which gave me time to clean, prep, and prepare by myself (is my husband not AMAZING?)
3. Zoloft. (which deserves and will get a post all of it's own) My usual anxieties were quieted and I was able to relax and enjoy all of our guests instead of micromanage and worry that things weren't going the way they were supposed to (which they were of course)
4. I am not pregnant or nursing full time. My body is my own. Again, I say this and it may not be the biggest deal to some people but to me it is the biggest deal of them all. It is an amazing relief and freedom that is indescribable and invaluable.
As Adam and I were chatting last night about all of these things, he just smiled and said yes, the real Jessie is coming back. At first I was a little offended because, what do you mean? I've been me this whole time! I've never not been the real me, just a different me! That somewhat true, but really, he's right. The real me is coming back. And it's pretty exciting.
If you read this whole thing, sorry for all the rambling and random thoughts. We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming (if that actually exists here??) soon.
Thanks for reading.
xoxo
Jessie
That is an understatement and it applies to so many things in my life, the very least of which is this blog. (But I am coming back for this guy too)
I didn't know that I lost myself.
This weekend we celebrated our little boy's first birthday, which is actually tomorrow. This year has both flown by in the blink of an eye and felt like the longest year of my life! I love my sweet Lucas more than life itself and his sister is the apple of my (and her father's) eye. I could not be luckier, happier, or more proud to be my kids' mother. It is an honor and such a joy every. single. day.
However, I did not realize that for the past three years I have been neglecting myself. I, myself, have been the last thing on my mind and the last thing getting any attention. For quite a while, I don't think I took care of myself at all.
Over the past month or so I've been "waking up" and this weekend it truly hit me. I'm back. For three years and three months (minus a few weeks in July of 2015) I have been either pregnant or nursing - which translates to: my body has not been my own for over three years. Typing those words doesn't quite have the effect that it should. It is also something that is difficult to understand if you haven't had the experience of carrying and caring for a child.
I do not take for granted the gift of motherhood. I understand its weight and its importance. And I thank God every day for it.
But I'm glad to finally be seeing glimpses of myself again.
This revelation did not come easy. Since around the time of Charlotte's second birthday I knew that I needed to get some help for what I assumed was post partum anxiety & depression. However, the process took much longer than it should have because it is not one that is talked about often and therefore I didn't really know where to start and I got tossed around a little bit from doctor to doctor. Long story short I was able to speak with someone, a psychologist, once, and I thought it truly was helpful. However, it turns out she wasn't the right person for me and I have since found help via medication and things seem to be going very well right now!! However, this - my mental well being, like all things in life, is a process. It is ever changing and I don't expect my current "solution" to be my forever solution.
Lucas' first birthday party was a raging success. I have heard nothing but praise from friends and family since Saturday evening. Ever since then I kept asking myself, what's so different about this party than the past two birthday parties we've had?? Well - there are a few things:
1. It was a BEAUTIFUL day and we were able to host the party mostly outside vs. the disaster that was Charlotte's first birthday party when it was torrentially down pouring and we had to squeeze thirty people plus about 15 toddlers into a 2,000 square foot house. Pretty sure everyone left with a migraine that day.
2. Adam (with his Mom's help) took both kids out of the house the morning of for about 3 hours which gave me time to clean, prep, and prepare by myself (is my husband not AMAZING?)
3. Zoloft. (which deserves and will get a post all of it's own) My usual anxieties were quieted and I was able to relax and enjoy all of our guests instead of micromanage and worry that things weren't going the way they were supposed to (which they were of course)
4. I am not pregnant or nursing full time. My body is my own. Again, I say this and it may not be the biggest deal to some people but to me it is the biggest deal of them all. It is an amazing relief and freedom that is indescribable and invaluable.
As Adam and I were chatting last night about all of these things, he just smiled and said yes, the real Jessie is coming back. At first I was a little offended because, what do you mean? I've been me this whole time! I've never not been the real me, just a different me! That somewhat true, but really, he's right. The real me is coming back. And it's pretty exciting.
If you read this whole thing, sorry for all the rambling and random thoughts. We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming (if that actually exists here??) soon.
Thanks for reading.
xoxo
Jessie
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Welcome, 2016!
Welcome, 2016! This is the year I get to meet my SON and we become a family of four. HOLY CRAP. I sometimes really can't believe this is actually my life. I feel so fortunate and blessed. And also, overwhelmed and excited. Tons of emotions, all day every day.
This year is going to be extremely hectic, busy, and fly by in the blink of an eye I am sure. We have a lot going on and so I want to make a few general resolutions for myself. None of that, must go to the gym 3 days a week, must lose 15 lbs, etc. but GENERAL resolutions to doing things a bit differently. Here goes:
1. Be more intentional with my time with my husband. With the impending arrival of our new bundle of joy in about three months I'm reminded now - while we still have somewhat of a "life" of our own that we need to make each other a priority - and be intentional with the time we do get together. I aim to have at least one night a week where we actually do something together - a board game, a massage, something together other than zoning out on the couch staring at the TV or our phones; and at least one night per month with a babysitter so that we can have a date night - out or in, doesn't matter, just the two of us.
2. Make myself a priority as well - eat right, exercise, and bathe regularly. Now that last one might sound odd to those of you who do not have children - but with a toddler and a newborn coming at the beginning of April I am pretty sure this is going to be a challenge for me. So I want to start out the year getting in the habit and taking care of myself so that I can continue to make that a priority.
3. Get outside with my kids! - Plain and simple - I want to take advantage of the beautiful area in which we live and get our kids outside playing, hiking, camping, kayaking, etc.
Now on to my To Do list for the year, which I consider to be different from Resolutions. Both personally and professionally I have a lot of goals that I want to work towards over the coming year(s). I didn't get much accomplished this year off of my 40 Before 40 Bucket List so I'm going to start the year off with some of those items in mind:
1. Reading - I hope to knock out at least two of the items off of that bucket list- more importantly I hope to be able to read at least one book a month for fun.
2. Fitness - My big goal for this year is going to be starting to run after Lucas is born. I hope to be able to accomplish a 5k and potentially a 10k by the end of the year.
3. Adventure - Now this one item on my "adventure" list isn't really that adventurous but something I'd like to do regardless and with a maternity leave on the horizon I'm thinking I might be able to knock some of these out - the top 100 Movie list.
4. Me - Adam and I's big goal this year is to knock out our debt. Initially when I started thinking of goals for 2016 this was number one and I immediately started thinking how I needed to mentally prepare myself for saying NO to lots of things this year so that we can meet this goal. I have since relaxed a bit and believe that while we will need to keep our budget in check in order to do this, I am not going to be a negative Nancy all year. We can do it.
5. Withamama - I started this blog in the throws of new parenthood when I was over thinking and questioning every single thing that I did for the first few months of my daughters life. I was a little crazy - and I am preparing myself for this craziness to hit again in a few months. Though, I hope that since this is my second go at the whole newborn thing maybe I won't be quite so doubtful of myself. With that said, I'm SURE I will have more things to vent about and ask for advice so I'm guessing I'll have plenty of cause to keep up with this blog, however, I also realize I will have two children under two for the majority of this year and will probably lose all sanity or sense of time. So - in hopes of not being overly optimistic my goal for this blog will be to check in once a week.
6. Professionally - I will be working towards a work designation that will take me the entire year and potentially longer to complete. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be able to add some letters after my name when signing work documents :)
That's it! Not too overly demanding but also some good goals (if I do say so myself). I'm looking forward to a fun and exciting new year and I hope you are too!
This year is going to be extremely hectic, busy, and fly by in the blink of an eye I am sure. We have a lot going on and so I want to make a few general resolutions for myself. None of that, must go to the gym 3 days a week, must lose 15 lbs, etc. but GENERAL resolutions to doing things a bit differently. Here goes:
1. Be more intentional with my time with my husband. With the impending arrival of our new bundle of joy in about three months I'm reminded now - while we still have somewhat of a "life" of our own that we need to make each other a priority - and be intentional with the time we do get together. I aim to have at least one night a week where we actually do something together - a board game, a massage, something together other than zoning out on the couch staring at the TV or our phones; and at least one night per month with a babysitter so that we can have a date night - out or in, doesn't matter, just the two of us.
2. Make myself a priority as well - eat right, exercise, and bathe regularly. Now that last one might sound odd to those of you who do not have children - but with a toddler and a newborn coming at the beginning of April I am pretty sure this is going to be a challenge for me. So I want to start out the year getting in the habit and taking care of myself so that I can continue to make that a priority.
3. Get outside with my kids! - Plain and simple - I want to take advantage of the beautiful area in which we live and get our kids outside playing, hiking, camping, kayaking, etc.
Now on to my To Do list for the year, which I consider to be different from Resolutions. Both personally and professionally I have a lot of goals that I want to work towards over the coming year(s). I didn't get much accomplished this year off of my 40 Before 40 Bucket List so I'm going to start the year off with some of those items in mind:
1. Reading - I hope to knock out at least two of the items off of that bucket list- more importantly I hope to be able to read at least one book a month for fun.
2. Fitness - My big goal for this year is going to be starting to run after Lucas is born. I hope to be able to accomplish a 5k and potentially a 10k by the end of the year.
3. Adventure - Now this one item on my "adventure" list isn't really that adventurous but something I'd like to do regardless and with a maternity leave on the horizon I'm thinking I might be able to knock some of these out - the top 100 Movie list.
4. Me - Adam and I's big goal this year is to knock out our debt. Initially when I started thinking of goals for 2016 this was number one and I immediately started thinking how I needed to mentally prepare myself for saying NO to lots of things this year so that we can meet this goal. I have since relaxed a bit and believe that while we will need to keep our budget in check in order to do this, I am not going to be a negative Nancy all year. We can do it.
5. Withamama - I started this blog in the throws of new parenthood when I was over thinking and questioning every single thing that I did for the first few months of my daughters life. I was a little crazy - and I am preparing myself for this craziness to hit again in a few months. Though, I hope that since this is my second go at the whole newborn thing maybe I won't be quite so doubtful of myself. With that said, I'm SURE I will have more things to vent about and ask for advice so I'm guessing I'll have plenty of cause to keep up with this blog, however, I also realize I will have two children under two for the majority of this year and will probably lose all sanity or sense of time. So - in hopes of not being overly optimistic my goal for this blog will be to check in once a week.
6. Professionally - I will be working towards a work designation that will take me the entire year and potentially longer to complete. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be able to add some letters after my name when signing work documents :)
That's it! Not too overly demanding but also some good goals (if I do say so myself). I'm looking forward to a fun and exciting new year and I hope you are too!
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
2015 - The Year in Review
Happy New Year, Friends!
I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and are embracing the new year with open arms and open minds!
2015 was truly amazing for us! We started off the year with me heading back to work after maternity leave and Charlotte starting off at Miss Rita's - where she's been for a year now and I can honestly say I do not know what I would do without that amazing lady. She is an angel and we couldn't live without her.
February we had friends visit for the Superbowl, went to a painting class for my Mom's birthday, & took super cute Valentine's pics of sweet Charlotte.
In March Charlotte and I visited Gam Gam in Richmond for her birthday, Adam celebrated Jon's bachelor party, a two of our favorite couples were married and we were lucky enough to celebrate with them, & we spent our first weekend away from Charlotte while she celebrated her 6 month birthday with her grandparents.
In April we took Charlotte on her first hike where her Great Grandpa joined us!, we celebrated Easter, visited Nova, and Charlotte truly started enjoying eating real food!
May was super fun as we went to our first Salem Red Sox game, spent a lot of time outside playing, swimming and swinging in the back yard, celebrated my first Mother's Day, had a bunch of family visit to celebrate Memorial Day Weekend and then finally at the end of the month we welcomed our beautiful niece Hannah Storm to the world!
In June we had friends visit from out of town, hiked Mill Mountain, Visited Nova for Father's Day & visited Va Beach to meet Miss Hannah!
In July we headed up to PA to celebrate Independence Day with the Lavellas, spent some quality time in the pool, went to the Touch a Truck event in Salem, and unfortunately had to say goodbye to a beloved member of our family, Marlie.
In August, Michele and the girls came to visit Roanoke, Adam went to Nova for his Fantasy Football Draft and Grammy came down to stay with us for the weekend, and we celebrated her 60th Birthday (almost two months early) with a surprise party.
September marked one year since our sweet girl graced us with her presence. We had professional family photos taken (check off my bucket list), visited Smith Mountain Lake with the Witherows for a week, and had a big birthday party for our big one year old.
October was another fun month - we started it off announcing that Number 2 was on the way, and ended the month with a bang with a trip to the pumpkin patch and Halloween!
November we found out that we were having a little boy! and then spent a few days in SC with the Witherows for Thanksgiving!
December came and went quickly! We visited Va Beach, Nova, saw the new Star Wars Movie, then celebrated Christmas, followed quickly by a fun New Year's Eve weekend at a friends wedding!
Doing a review of the year like this really reminds me of all the fun things we've done that I forgot about. We had an excellent year! Charlotte has grown so much and we cannot wait for all the fun 2016 has in store for us. Resolutions/Goals for 2016 coming tomorrow!
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Withababy 2.0 - 22 Weeks!
22 Weeks!
Short and sweet, Happy Thursday!
Monday, November 30, 2015
Weekend ReCap - Thanksgiving Edition!
Happy Monday, friends!
I hope that everyone had a wonderful long weekend with friends and family! We sure did! We spent our "mini-vacation" in a small town in South Carolina with our family. It was just lovely.
The drive is about 5 hours - if you don't have a toddler and a pregnant woman in your car.... surprisingly, we made it down on the Wednesday afternoon/evening before Thanksgiving in about 6.5 hours. And surprisingly without a serious meltdown on anyones behalf. :)
Thursday was filled with lots of family time, lounging, eating delicious food, and lounging some more. Just perfect. Friday we were up and out doing some fun things around town - had "brunch" at a local place that was delish - shrimp and grits to die for and pecan pie for dessert. And some neighboring goats who couldn't say no to leftovers...The weather was just beautiful, sunshiney and in the sixties - who could ask for more? We visited a local distillery and hit up some shopping spots, but nothing crazy. Then headed back home to relax some more and have dinner at Grandma's house. Saturday was another lounger - this time pantsless for Miss Charlotte. She loved it. The only way the day could have been better was if Michigan had won, womp womp. Then Sunday we headed back home and again - no major meltdowns. To me - that is a serious win in the holiday travel category!
Here are some pics from our weekend for your viewing pleasure.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful long weekend with friends and family! We sure did! We spent our "mini-vacation" in a small town in South Carolina with our family. It was just lovely.
The drive is about 5 hours - if you don't have a toddler and a pregnant woman in your car.... surprisingly, we made it down on the Wednesday afternoon/evening before Thanksgiving in about 6.5 hours. And surprisingly without a serious meltdown on anyones behalf. :)
Thursday was filled with lots of family time, lounging, eating delicious food, and lounging some more. Just perfect. Friday we were up and out doing some fun things around town - had "brunch" at a local place that was delish - shrimp and grits to die for and pecan pie for dessert. And some neighboring goats who couldn't say no to leftovers...The weather was just beautiful, sunshiney and in the sixties - who could ask for more? We visited a local distillery and hit up some shopping spots, but nothing crazy. Then headed back home to relax some more and have dinner at Grandma's house. Saturday was another lounger - this time pantsless for Miss Charlotte. She loved it. The only way the day could have been better was if Michigan had won, womp womp. Then Sunday we headed back home and again - no major meltdowns. To me - that is a serious win in the holiday travel category!
Here are some pics from our weekend for your viewing pleasure.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Withababy 2.0 Update - 20/21 Weeks
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a BOY!!!
Needless to say, we're excited! It was so fun finding out and then sharing with our friends and family. Little Luke is so loved already!! We can't wait to meet him. In the meantime, we are 21 weeks tomorrow and April will be here before we know it. Little man likes to kick a lot in the evening after Charlotte goes to bed and early in the morning. According to the ultrasound tech last week he has an "awesome aorta" and was practicing breathing, which is apparently "extremely advanced" for a baby of his size. LOL, I hope you can tell me sarcastic tone. But obviously, we are not surprised that our sweet little boy is starting off just as advanced as his big sister. <3
So for a little weekend recap, we had a great one! Last Thursday after we found out Lucas was Lucas we went out to dinner to celebrate just the three (four) of us. Bob and Becky drove down to our house late Friday night to stay over on their way to South Carolina for Thanksgiving. We started off the weekend Saturday bright and early with them and Gigi and Papa. We revealed the big news with blue cream filled Krispy Kreme donuts and they were delicious! Then we had a big family breakfast, Bob and Becky hit the road, and Gigi, Papa and us headed out to the shed to weed through the bajillion boxes of Christmas decorations we inherited from my Grandma last year. We had fun soaking up the sunshine outside and setting up Christmas decorations. I know I know, a bit early but we're traveling so much the next few weeks the next available time we'd have to do it would be December 17th and that is too late in my opinion! So, tree is up, house is decked (inside) and the outside lights will be going up as soon as possible. It feels great. And Charlotte LOVES looking (batting at) the tree.
Last night we got 90% of the gifts wrapped and under the tree, the remaining are Adams gifts that I need to wrap when he's not around. We're about halfway through addressing our Christmas cards. Hopefully I can get it all done by next weekend that way I can relax for the month of December and just soak in the season with my family!
Charlotte's room is also mostly set up. Her bed is in, curtains and bed rail (Christmas gifts from Grammy and Papa) are up, and most of the furniture is in. We just need to transfer her monogram and decorations, pick up some wall shelves from IKEA and paint a tree on the wall and it'll be done! She loves her room and likes to play on her big girl bed. After all of our traveling we'll start having her take naps in there on the weekend so she can get used to it.
So already, I've completed 2.5 of my 5 goals for the end of the year! Feeling great! And can't wait to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family this week!
Here are some more pics from this weekend's gender reveal.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
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