Goals and Lists and Plans, Oh My!
Reading:
FOR FUN!
Work:
ARM Designation
Kids:
ROUTINE
Less screen time more reading
POTTY TRAINING
Me:
Self Care
Running
Half Marathon
Rambling commences now:
I have been making lists for as long as I can remember. I'm a visual person and so writing everything down and being able to see all of the tasks I have to do in one spot is extremely helpful and calming to me. Even if there are literally millions of things on my list, it feels better to have a nice neat list of those million items. Problem is, lately, I've just been making lists and then not following through. Writing down my running plan three months in advance doesn't magically make me able to run 13.1 miles just because I wrote down the plan...I have to actually do what I write down in order to reap the benefits. I'm trying to take a step back from all of the planning - because I think I've become more obsessed with the planning aspect of things instead of the actual doing them. I've been craving order amongst the chaos and while it helps to be organized, it doesn't fix or truly accomplish anything.
Over the past month or so I've tried to actively take a step back and DO more than plan or think. Turns out, that is hard to do when your brain is so used to running nonstop at every moment. It takes work to be mentally "still" for me. But it's been worth it. I'm learning to be more present with my kids: and I don't mean simply putting down the phone, because I have been a big proponent of that since Charlotte was born - though I am not perfect and sometimes I stare at that darn Home Design App a bit too much... nonetheless it's putting down the lists in my head too and being with them and enjoying all the small things. Remembering how fast time moves and trying to capture in my mind and memorize their tiny little faces, their sweet voices, their pudgy, little baby fingers and toes in this moment. And also, to actually do things with them. I've gotten so complacent in thinking that because the week is so busy that during the week it's ok to just come home, watch tv, eat dinner, and go to bed. Granted, sometimes that is really all that we can seem to accomplish, some nights are harder than others. But as Luke gets older and more flexible we really are able to do other things during the week. Even if it's just going outside to play, or to a park, or for a walk. So I've been trying to do that too. It's a challenge for sure most nights.
Last night I read a book, for fun!, before bed. I had only planned on reading for thirty minutes or so, actively attempting to read more instead of staring at a screen whether it be my phone or the television. I ended up reading for two hours. My eyes have been hurting a lot lately; I think from all of the screen staring, work all day long staring a computer, then scrolling through my phone at night with no true purpose or benefit; it's also been giving me some slight headaches. But, I read a book with very small print and some smudges (its an old, hand me down book) for two hours in the dim light from my nightstand and my eyes didn't bother me once. Here's your sign...
My Work designation has been in the works since 2016. Why I thought I could obtain a designation like this one while I had a newborn I do not know, but thats why it got pushed back to this year. Then my proclivities for list making and study planning but not truly following through (depression/anxiety keeping me super lazy and afraid to do things??) have delayed it again. I've passed the first of three tests to obtain the ARM designation, with the second test coming up at the end of December and then finally finishing up in the spring. Not sure why I wrote this or who is reading but there you go.
Lists are helpful, and calming. But I'm working on following through with my plans more. xoxo
